Affections for an Idle Heart chapter
by Zye
Summary: I do not own the TMNT characters. An epic story trailing a coupling between Raphael and Donatello adult theme slash relations. Could a wounded heart ever learn to love again?
1. Chapter 1

Affections for an Idle Heart

By Zye

I do not own the TMNT characters; we should all know who does (sighs).

An epic story trailing a coupling between Raphael and Donatello; adult theme slash (?) relations

Could a wounded heart ever learn to love again?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'_Darkest At Night' (Chapter1)_

The dingy calm of the lair was disturbed by a soft, muffled cry. A turtle alone in his room was restlessly tossing in his bed. His eyes were closed and his body was stiff and trembling. He exhales forcefully, he can't breath, panting, twisting, groaning loudly as he bites his lower lip painfully…

Raphael's eyes open suddenly his forehead dewed with sweat, his cock straining against the insides of his solid shell. He sighs as he reaches down to free his angry cock from it imprisonment. It's been especially demanding these days, commanding his attention at all hours of the night.

It's been weeks since he's been free to roam the city above. Splinter had forbidden any of the four brothers from leaving the safety of the lair, an _unjustifiable_ law that was strictly enforced. Their enemies caught them off guard and they had barely escaped with their shells. It was a close call yes but it wasn't _his_ fault. Why should he have to pay the price for his dumb shit little brother? Raphael longed for the night air, to escape to that sweet underground haven of pleasure, where **he** is a Master.

Tonight as the night before he'll have to manage on his own. Firmly he grips his swollen cock, stoking with a steady rhythm with one strong hand. "Come on" he muttered losing his on…Raphael grits his teeth as he mercilessly pumps his disobedient organ, reluctantly the pressure mounts inside. Almost…almost…"ah"…so clossssse….

_tap tap tap_

Raphael freezes hearing the faint knock at his door. It's locked his mind raced, his heart pounding. Slowly the door handle turns…_click_…it creeks open to the dimly lit hall. Raphael eyes widened in panic, as the familiar silhouette of his brother peered cautiously into his room. He couldn't move the impact of being caught was paralyzing. "Raph I…I heard noises are you alrrrri…right?!?" His brother's mouth gapped open as his eyes adjusted to the darkness.

Raphael felt his cheeks burn and turned his face away from his brother, evasively muttering "I'm fine. You gonna shut the door or what?"

Don swayed in the doorway, clearly seeing Raph's muscular form illuminated against the darkness. Raph's face was cast down, his body obviously shaking, his hand idle upon his prominent rod. Inside he felt a strange fluttering throughout his body which seemed to burst near his groins arousing him. He swallowed hard and tried to speak but no words came out.

Raphael, regaining his courage, boldly glared up at his stunned little brother. His irritation subdued as he realized his brother was turned _on_! A malicious smirk crossed his face. _"Ohh do ya wanta watch?" _Raph purred, enticingly stoking his hard organ.

Donnie inhaled sharply and glanced over his shoulder, slowly he stepped forward into the dark room closing the door behind him. Donnie lingered shyly by the door as Raph struck a match lighting a candle next to his bed.

Raphael shifted his position then patted an open spot on the mattress beckoning his brother towards him. If he was going to put on a show damn it he was going to indulge in his brother's reactions. He wanted him close.

Donnie felt hesitant by Raph's invitation nevertheless he stumbled forward and stopped short next to the edge. Raph touched his brother's arm reassuring him then gently guided him onto the bed. They lay close but did not touch for a moment as they gazed uneasily into one another's eyes.

Raph's slowly moved his hand up Donnie's arm towards his face and nimbly smoothed his palm along his brother's cheek and fingered his quivering mouth…inching closer to Donnie until their lips met in an uncertain kiss. Raph paused for just an instant as he savored the young turtle taste. Aggressively Raphael advanced closing upon Don's lips pushing his wet tongue deep into his mouth, hands groped down Don's tense body towards his thighs. He forced Donnie onto his back and eagerly shifted to dominate his trembling brother.

Donnie broke away from the intense kiss, his hands firmly pressed on Raph's chest. _"wait!" _his heart pounded hungry for Raph's enticing touches. Yet, he was afraid. _"I...I...I've never…I mean…I haven't…"_ his face reddened as his words failed him.

Shocked, Raph understood _"Never?" _.

Raphael tensed as sharp pains suddenly tore through his chest; it had never occurred to him that Donnie was a virgin! Aaah…! He had very little tolerance for the inexperienced but a _virgin_ was worse…they tend be too complicated for his taste…always seem to wanta change fucking into _love _or some dumb thing. Just back off…what are you doing ya moron back…..off.

"_Easier said than done" _never rang more true to the hot headed turtle as he gazed into Don's exceptionally dark timid eyes. He had never noticed how beautiful they were before. Raph felt fuzzy as the temptation subdued his vigilant alarms. He leaned closer planted a tender kiss on Donnie's cheek; softy whispered "I'll be gentle."

Don smiled bashfully; strangely relieved his brother didn't reject him. This time he kissed him back and curiously explored the inside of Raph's mouth. Encouraged Raph worked his way down nibbling and licking at the younger turtle's tender spots, his hand confidently tugged Don's neglected sex from its hiding place.

Don's chest heaved as he felt Raph's strong wet tongue gently lick at his scrotum, playful juggling the balls. Donnie moaned as pleasure coursed through body. Raph greedily took the cock deep into his mouth sucking it in a long powerful stroke lightly scraping it with his teeth.

"ahh raaphh!" Donnie wailed loudly as his body shook uncontrollably. Alarmed Raphael paused to look at his brother just as Don jetted a hot stream of fluid…_splat…_onto Raph's dismayed face. With a loud sigh, Raph scowled at his little brother _un-fucking-believable _he fumed.

Donnie inhaled deeply to calm his trembling body and catch his breath. Satisfied, he slowly peered down at his brother. Raph had his lips pressed together tightly as cum oozed down his face which caused an outburst of nervous giggles from Donnie, "sorry."

Raph softened slightly "yeah it is kind-of funny" shaking his head as he licked his lips and wiped his face with his hand. Raph rubbed the slick moisture between his fingers and eyed Donnie; a sly smile crossed his face.

Donnie curiously cocked his head to the side as his brother mounted himself between his wide spread legs. Raph gently kissed Don's neck while his slicked finger probed his private entrance advancing steadily inside as deep as it would go, Donnie moaned as Raph's finger roughly stretched him.

Raph could not wait any longer as his thick organ throbbed painfully. Raph griped his cock rubbed it against Don's opening. He kissed Donnie hard as he entered him, muffling his painful sobs. _"Shh relax just relax shh"_ he panted as he pumped himself into that tight ring of muscle scratching him, maddening him. The younger turtle groaned straining against Raph's frenzied thrusts. Finally Raph's passion erupted deep inside his brother, pleasure rippled through his body like waves crashing on the shore. Raphael collapsed, exhausted in a still embrace.


	2. Chapter 2

Affections for an Idle Heart

By Zye

I do not own the TMNT characters; we should all know who does (sighs).

An epic story trailing a coupling between Raphael and Donatello; adult theme slash (?) relations

Could a wounded heart ever learn to love again?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'_Conflicted by Day' (Chapter2)_

The morning came with a train wreck of emotions. Raphael had almost convinced himself that he had only dreamed the impious events that took place during the night until he saw his brother's face. Don's nervous attempt to smile as he approached shattered his delusions that nothing happened. Their morning practice was strenuously awkward and his lack of concentration didn't go unnoticed by his older sibling, Leonardo. His mind wasn't focused as they were sparing leaving him vulnerable to Leo's precise strikes, the last one throwing him hard into the stone wall. "_What's with you this morning!?_!" Leo demanded, lecturing about the importance of staying sharp, taking training seriously blah blah blah… he wasn't really listening. After practice he caught Don's eye briefly as he made a hasty retreat to his lab. He skipped breakfast; he just needed to be alone.

Hot water beat down on Raphael's tense shoulders; he hung his head low allowing it to stream down his tormented face. Now alone, his psyche rapidly spiraled, furiously bombarding his inner defenses. What the hell is wrong with you!! You're such a fucking moron, you knew better! Raph punches the wall hard with his fist. There's no excuse for this! His teeth clench as his throat constricts, shaking his head in a hopeless attempt to stop what was coming. He's your _brother_ you sick fuck what the hell is wrong with you! Raphael's gut wrenched threatening to heave as he staggered backwards, his trembling hands covering his stinging eyes. What have I done…What have I done! Raph collapsed hard to the ground as his heart shattered fully realizing his horrendous behavior. What have I done!?! His body convulsed as uncontrollable sobs burst from his strained frown. Tightly curling himself into a ball he wept silently, utterly broken.

A loud knock snapped him back into reality; he wasn't sure how long he'd been lying under the now lukewarm water. _Pull it together _he muttered, forcing himself to take deep, slow breaths.

"_Come on"_ whined Mikey from the other side of the door _"you've been in there for like forever man!"_ Raphael half-heartedly toweled himself off as his pesky brother relentlessly pounded on the door. This which normally would have irritated him but he felt empty inside. _"Let's go, move it, hurry up….what did ya fall in or something!"_ screeched his impatient little brother.

Mikey sprang away from the door as it opened expecting a strong reaction from his hot-headed brother. Instead Raphael didn't even look at him as he left the bathroom. _"What were ya doing in there anyway"_ he teased, puzzled by Raph's void demeanor. Mikey, hating to be ignored, smacked his brother's hind-end with his comic book _"wake up cranky Raphie!"_

Raph sharply turned around to see his obnoxious little brother close the bathroom door, then suddenly opening it again. Mikey grinned sheepishly as he poked his head through the crack in the door, _"oh I almost forgot Donnie was looking for ya."_

Raphael lingered by the entrance leading to laboratory, he was hesitant to see Don this soon after his emotional breakdown. Ok, pull it together, just be nonchalant maybe we can put this mess behind us, he reassured himself and cautiously peered into the room.

Donnie was at his desk staring intently at his computer monitor, tapping keys now and again. Raph cleared his throat and shuffled into the open doorway. Trying to sound casual, a dreadful alien voice choked forth…_"Heard you were looking for me?"_

Don immediately spun around in his chair and studied his brother with a concerned look on his face. _"You look awful"_ he exclaimed surprised by his brother vacant appearance. Raph's eyes darted to the floor; this is going to be harder than he had hoped. In an attempt to ease the tension Donnie playfully inquired; _"Do I need to write you a formal invitation or were you planning on coming in?"_

Raph took a shaky step forward; his mind swirled with his pent up guilt and sorrow, desperately he stuttered, _"Donnie about last night…I never meant…I mean…I didn't want to…"_ his tongue failed as his eyes filled with tears.

Shaking his head, Don leapt out of his chair and pulled Raphael into the room. After a quick glance down the hall he shut the door, securing it with a bolt. Then placing a sympathetic hand on Raph's shoulder, he gazed directly into his brother's misting eyes. _"I don't hold you solely responsible for what happened, Raph. So please stop beating yourself up over it." _

Raph turned away sharply, his heart beating so fast it felt like it was about to burst, _"Did I hurt you?"_ he whimpered meekly.

Donnie smiled warmly at his brother and chuckled _"oh honestly Raphael, I may not have had any previous experience but I had conducted extensive studies regarding the matter. I wasn't completely ignorant of the consequences. I expected it to hurt the first time,"_ his voice trailing off as he became slightly absorbed on his own ratifications. _"Now, there is an urgent matter that we need to sort out before we discuss this any further. I want to run a few tests and I need a blood sample from you."_

"_Urgent matter?"_ Raph sniffed, mystified by Donnie's decisive perspective. _"Blood sample? You can have it all if you want it."_ he responded cracking a slight smile.

"_Oh don't be silly,"_ he mused as he collected the syringe and a glass vial from his work table. _"Ok tough guy, take a seat."_

As Donnie skillfully pushed the needle into his vein, Raph couldn't help but wonder out loud, _"What kind-of tests are you doing anyway?"_

"_Well Raphael, from a single cell I'll extract a sample of Deoxyribonucleic Acid contained within its nucleus. Next I will use the Restriction Fragment Length Polymorphism technique to digest the sample into variable lengths of fragments, specific sequence patterns to analyze for the presence or absence of certain recognition sites. Then I will compare the information learned from your sample to a sample taken from myself to determine whether or not they are unique. Based on our numerous unprecedented differences, I estimated with eighty percent certainty we are biologically unattached. Now, however, it is urgent to have one hundred percent certainty_. _Understand?" _Donatello glanced up from the puncture in Raph's arm with a quirky smile etched across his face.

Blankly Raph stared at his brother, _"ah…huh?"_

Donnie laughed heartily at Raph's expression, then proceeded in layman's terms…_"It is just a simple DNA test to find out whether or not we are blood related._"

Raph couldn't help but grin as he regained some of his fiery spirit, _"You are such a geek, why didn't you just say that in the first place. You know I don't speak that techno language."_ He had never questioned the possibility that they weren't really brothers before…it was a bittersweet concept. _"So we might not be brothers?"_

"_Might not be."_ shrugged Donnie. _"We won't really know until I process and analyze the results."_ Sensing his brother's concerns, Don lovingly took Raph's hand; _"We will always be family Raphael, no matter what the results determine or what we decide to…"_ Don's voice caught in his throat and he swiftly averting his eyes to the floor.


	3. Chapter 3

Affections for an Idle Heart

By Zye

I do not own the TMNT characters; we should all know who does (sighs).

An epic story trailing a coupling between Raphael and Donatello; adult theme slash (?) relations

Could a wounded heart ever learn to love again?

_Confirmation by Evening (chapter 3)_

Donatello yawned as he took a brief moment to stretch his stiff muscles, his eyes burning from hours of decoding genetic sequences. With about three million bases in a single percent of DNA and only one-tenth vary from one individual to the next; comparing the two samples was tedious, time-consuming work.

Raphael had been an encouraging advocate throughout his research… thoughtfully provided sandwiches when he skipped meals…listened quietly to any frustrations and explanations of his work…Donnie sighed. He had so desperately wanted to tell Raph, how much he adored everything about him. A warm fuzzy feeling surged inside his chest as he pictured Raphael's strong confident figure…fearlessly ambitious…valiantly determined…boldly independent…sarcastically humorous…chivalrously passionate…electrifyingly erotic…! Don closed his eyes, acutely aware that Raphael had captured his heart long ago.

"_Hey! What cha doing in here?"_ Mike bellowed peering into the lab. _"Can Donnie come out and play?"_ he teased _"I'm so bored! We can play Monopoly, you can be the wheelbarrow." _

Don snapped out of his daydreaming and replied _"no thank you, I'm kind-of in the middle of something important," _then promptly turned back to his computer screen.

"_Oh, alright you can be the shoe"_ smiled Mikey undaunted by his brother's blow off.

Don shook his head smiling, _"Maybe later."_

"_How about the hat? The thimble? The car? P p p pleeeease."_ Mike pleaded to Don's sympathetic nature, knowing if he pestered him long enough he'd get his way.

Raphael suddenly stormed into the room, _**"I told you to stay out of here. "**_ He roared at Mike _**"Don's busy…now scat!"**_

"_But I'm so bored…wait a minute…Do you want to play Monopoly? You can be the rusty screw we used to replace the horse,"_ Mikey snickered.

Raphael hated playing board games but if it will get his little brother out of the lab_…"Fine, go set it up."_ he growled. As Mikey pranced off down the hall, Raph looked tired as he inhaled deeply and shook his head, _"Sorry I thought he'd watch TV a little longer." _ Anxiously he turned his attention to Donnie, _"How's it coming anyway?"_

"_Hopefully, I should finish my analysis of the samples later today."_ Don said _"Then we can…" _ Don was cut off when Mikey screech from the living room _"Come on Raphie, or I'll roll for you!!"_

Raphael huffed, _"Is that supposed to be a threat or something, shell, he can play for me for all I care."_

Don giggled _"I don't think you going to get away that easy, Raphie."_

Raph rolled his eyes and smirked, _"You know I hate being called Raphie."_

Deep in meditation, Leonardo examined his mental notes attempting to understand Raphael's bizarre behavior over the past few days. He was alarmed when he saw Raph's tear stained face the morning it all started. It raised a great deal of concern for his normally hard-shelled brother. What would breach his impenetrable defenses deep enough to show? He sensed that his brother was hiding something…but what?

Even more perplexing, was Raph's anxious preoccupation with Don's current obsession. Don was studying blood samples for some unexplained reason. Something was going on, Leo just couldn't figure out what. Whatever it was, he'd never seen his hot-headed brother this subdued and silent before.

Leo opened his eyes and carefully scrutinized Raphael. He had been enduring a game of Monopoly with Mikey for almost three hours now. Throughout the game Mikey playfully provoked his hot-headed brother who remained strangely tolerant with only minor outbursts of frustration now and again.

Raph was soundly getting his shell kicked and didn't seem too upset about it. Leo shook his head; something is just not right about him lately, he said to himself.

Donnie suddenly burst into the room, by the look on his face he was clearly excited; _"Raph, I did it!" _

Raphael leapt out of his chair, knocking it over, and tripped in his haste to get to Donnie. _"You did!"_ he said recovered from his stumble _"How? With that Y-chromosome analysis you mentioned?!"_ He beamed with genuine interest as the pair quickly raced back to the lab.

Mikey a little stunned by Raph's sudden departure, looked at Leo bewildered…_"Did he just say chromosome?" _Mike asked, _"What's a chromosome?"_ Leo simply shook his head as a response.

Overcome with curiosity, Leo and Mikey followed the enthusiastic voices down the hallway. As they approached the lab, their brothers became abruptly silent. Leo peered into the room and saw his two brothers in a strong embrace. _"What's with all the excitement in here?"_ he asked suspiciously cocking his head to the side.

"_Awwwe they're hugging."_ Mikey gushed, as Raph and Donnie quickly parted, their cheeks flushed pink.


	4. Chapter 4

Affections for an Idle Heart

By Zye

I do not own the TMNT characters; we should all know who does (sighs).

An epic story trailing a coupling between Raphael and Donatello; adult theme slash (?) relations

Could a wounded heart ever learn to love again?

'_Pacified by Friday' (chapter 4)_

Raphael felt liberated and blissfully content by the results of the DNA test. Finally he could breathe easy and allowed himself a brief moment to reflect on the momentous circumstances that occurred. He had been tormented by the possibility of losing his brother's friendship as a result of his impulsive lust. Instead Donnie seemed motivated to establish the accuracy of their biological bonds, a startling concept for him. He aided Donnie, as he could, throughout the research and learned a great deal about genetics and his brother. Raph never realized how little he actually knew about Don; the more time he spent with him, the more he wanted to be there…with_ him_.

He had never felt so exhilarated when Donnie completed his analysis. They had embraced so tightly…so intimately… Raph's eyes glazed over as he pictured his brother face so close to his own, his insides fluttered slightly… his heart quickened by his sudden evolution.

"_Raph! The movie is starting!"_ shouted Mikey. Raphael snapped out of his trance, with a deep breath, he moved towards the living room.

Family movie night had been a tradition for as far back as any of the four brothers could recall. It was Leonardo's turn to choose the film, another patriotic flick no doubt. Raphael cruised nonchalantly over to the couch where Donnie was snuggled up with a blanket. Don smiled warmly as he scooted over granting Raph a place next to him. Without hesitation, Raph seated himself close to Donnie.

"_Popcorn?"_ Mikey crunched as he waved the overflowing bowl at Raph.

"_Nah, I'm not really hunger."_ Raph responded. _"What are we watching, anyway?"_

"_Benedict Arnold - A Question of Honor__ and I don't want to hear about it_." Leo huffed as he fiddled with the remote.

Raphael interest in the movie faded as his eyes skimmed over Donnie's cover form. _"It's a little chilling in here."_ Raph stated as he pulled some of Don's blanket over himself. As inconspicuous as possible Raphael moved his hand onto Donnie's thigh and gently squeezed. Paused momentarily then progressed slowly caressing little circles as he exploited the sensitive flesh.

Donnie smiled bashfully and bit his bottom lip as Raph's hand suggestively crept towards the inside of his thigh. His pulse thunderously hastened as he vainly struggled to suppress the rippling hunger for Raphael's touch.

Overwhelmed Don quickly bolted up and headed towards the exit, muttering about having to do something. He looked over his shoulder and caught Raph's startled eyes, with a slight nod he urged him to follow. Raphael exhaled with relief and waited for a chance to escape without suspicion.

As the film approached its climax, Raph stretched his arms and yawned, _"Man I'm going ta bed. I'm beat."_ He got up and headed for his room, glanced back at his brothers. Fairly confident they were focused on the film, he doubled back then casually traced Donnie's path down the hall.

In the faint light of his bedroom, Donatello listened apprehensively to the distinct footsteps of his brother. Tight knots clustered inside his body as his desire, ignited by Raph's gentle touches on the couch, burned impatiently. Panic struck when the footsteps paused just outside the ajar door, he unintentionally his held breath.

Raphael slipped silently through the open door and closed it quietly behind him. Time seemed to stop, as they stood focused on each other. Without a word, Raphael slowly stalked forward as Don gingerly back up toward his bed, their eyes fixed upon one another. Don swallowed hard as Raph's strong arms enclosed his waist and drew them closer together. In return, Donnie rested his arms around Raph's shoulders and softly caressed the back of his neck.

Don's body quivered in anticipation, _"Oh…Raph…please…kiss me," _he pleaded.

Raphael obliged with his brother's request and gradually inched closer until their lips connected. Tenderly Raph mouthed his brother's lower lip and gently worked his tongue into Don's warm oral entrance. Their bodied tensed with aspiration as their tongues slow-danced in one another's mouths. Donnie's knees buckled as his strength failed him; his brother's tight embrace forestalled the collapse and effortlessly transferred him onto the bed.

Their lips firmly locked, they shifted to better position themselves on the tiny bed. Raph's weight pressed down and rubbed his thigh on the sensitive location between Don's legs. Donnie groaned as shock waves of pleasure rippled through his body. Slowly Raph slid his kiss onto Donnie's neck and nibbled softly, rewarded with another loud moan from his brother.

Raph leisurely coasted his hand down the length of Don's trembling body; his mouth eagerly traced his hand's path. Donnie bit his bottom lip as his brother reached the conjunction between his legs and gently pulled out his sensitive organ. Raph slid his hands under his brother propping him up slightly as ran his tongue along the muscular thigh towards Don's exposed sex.

Raphael peered up briefly to scan Donnie with a sly smile on his face, _"Warn me this time, will ya?"_ he mused almost lovingly, as Don shyly giggled.

Eagerly Raph ushered in Don's throbbing extension, savoring the taste of his warm salty flesh. He confidently took it deep into his mouth, lapped his tongue along the wet surface as he suctioned tightly around it and pulled back onto the tip, repeating this technique until Donnie's hips rolled with his motions.

Between heavy groans, Donnie protested, _"Oh god…Raph please…I want you now…please Raph." _

Prepared, Raph produced a small canister from the inside of his belt and opened it, inside was a thick white cream. Donnie bit his lip nervously as Raph smoothed some of the cream onto his thick, pulsating cock, simultaneously rubbed the thick cream deep into Don's private orifice. Raph slowly nudged his slick cock into the tight entrance between his brother's legs. His body shuddered as Donnie contracted against him, squeezing him so tight...

Donnie strained against the throbbing cock, as Raph began to work his hips with grinding motion, slowly at first but gradually gaining momentum. He tucked his hands around Raph's shoulders cradling him closer, as Raph's thrusts pushed deeper inside. Donnie's moaned loudly as sudden showers of bliss erupted from his organ spraying hot fluids between their stomachs, Raph follow suit spilling his passions deep inside his brother's convulsing body. Their hearts pounded in harmony as they tightly held one another as their organisms drained out of them.

Donnie, trying to catch his breath, smiled warmly at Raph, _"Damn, this feels good"_ he sighs _"Raph…I…think…I…loo..."_

Raphael abruptly jerked away, his eyes swelled with a deep-seeded concern as he studied his brother's face. _Raph still has a lasting scar from the big L… he made a vow long ago never to be vulnerable to love again…yet with Donnie he can't just detach and walk away…he does care for him._

Raphael felt uncertain by the emotions leaking from his hardened heart; _"There's no safety net with this one,"_ he whispered with a startling shaky voice, _"oh shit Donnie_… (swallowed hard)…_I don't want to hurt you." _


	5. Chapter 5

Affections for an Idle Heart

By Zye

I do not own the TMNT characters; we should all know who does (sighs).

An epic story trailing a coupling between Raphael and Donatello; adult theme slash (?) relations

Could a wounded heart ever learn to love again?

_Reflections of Yesterday (Chapter 5)_

Raphael's sudden withdrawal instantaneously punctured Don's unguarded heart like someone had driven a thousand nails into it and mercilessly squeezed until he could barely draw a breath. His first agonizing heartache cut surprisingly deep; however, Donnie has never been the kind-of turtle solely driven by his emotions. His endeavors, regardless of how trivial or significant, were _almost_ always deliberate and meticulously premeditated.

Don took a moment to study his brother; Raphael was, for lack of a better word, beautiful. His trembling body gleamed from perspiration, highlighting his muscular form in the faint light …his breathing was labored and rigid…his face lowered and turned slightly away…his expression betrayed his unconfirmed vulnerability …simply beautiful.

Self assured, Donnie warmly embraced his reluctant brother and tenderly kissed his cheek. He felt Raphael's muscles tense momentary than relax while he gently coaxed his weary brother down beside him. When Raph was securely cradled in the nook of his arm, Donnie softly whispered in his ear, _"Just stay with me tonight."_

Raphael swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded solemnly then closed his eyes as Donnie softly traced his facial features. A voice from within roared for him to bolt, detach before it was too late; but Don's gentle strokes sent warm, fuzzy sensations pulsing through his body and numbed his instincts. Drowsy, he murmured _"Is this really happening?" _

"_I hope so"_ whispered Donnie and lovingly kissed Raph's forehead. Gradually his brother drifted into an uneasy sleep and Donnie's attention shifted to his internal frustrations. He rationalized that he had been foolish with his ideal concept of romance.

His brother had been _'single'_ for almost a year, so naturally he assumed Raphael was available. Donnie realized now that he had seriously underestimated his brother's emotional scars; the lingering residues from his heartbreak are painfully unavoidable.

Donnie felt a bitter stab in his heart when his thoughts turned to _her,_ Raphael's X-girlfriend. True, Raphael is temperamental and difficult at times, but he had tried so passionately to forge a lasting relationship with her. She didn't have to leave him so cruelly; her sudden departure changed him somehow…he was dispirited…bitter… discouraged...solemn...withdrawn… and angrier than usual.

Strange as it may be, Raph's brief love affair was how Donnie was alerted to his own desires for his hot-headed brother. He had stumbled across the couple as they were engaged in a passionate kiss, at his discovery a bolt jealousy surged though his body. Don was envious (?) for Raphael's affections towards her. He didn't fully understand the intense emotions at the time and consciously suppressed them. However, primitive urges can not be ignored indefinitely; instead they tend to fester beneath the surface and ignite unpredictably.

Late one night while he worked in his lab, Don heard a faint distant groan. Concerned he followed the sound to Raphael's bedroom door. He listened intently to the ragged breathing and soft moans reverberating through the closed door, he swallowed hard as sharp twisting sensations rippled through his body…his heart started to pound and his breathing became erratic. When the moaning ceased, Donnie found himself pressed against the door feverously aroused.

Donnie vaguely recalled the events afterwards; he stumbled to his room and laid awake fantasizing about Raphael. The following day, his conscience vainly attempted to halt the inconceivable scheme set in motion by his primitive impulses. Driven by the overpowering pressure surging underneath, Don cautiously approached Raphael's room and sabotaged the lock on his door.

During the night Donnie was again outside Raphael's bedroom door, his heart was pounding hard, he knew he was taking an uncalculated risk interrupting his hot-headed brother. Raphael has always been dangerously unpredictable…he was near panic when he entered the dark room…what he received was more than he had ever dared to hope for.

Raphael, clearly in a rem cycle of sleep, jostled slightly and tucked himself tighter against his brother. His body relaxed as a faint smile crossed his peaceful face and, barely audibly, he exhaled, "Donnie."

Donnie smiled brightly when it dawned on him that Raphael was dreaming about him. He gently kissed the sleeping turtle beak and softly whispered _"I love you Raphael."_ Donnie fell asleep determined to show Raph what _real_ love is.


	6. Chapter 6

Affections for an Idle Heart

By Zye

I do not own the TMNT characters; we should all know who does (sighs).

An epic story trailing a coupling between Raphael and Donatello; adult theme slash (?) relations

Could a wounded heart ever learn to love again?

'_Melting the Morning' (Chapter 6)_

Raphael sat quietly on the edge of Donnie's bed suffocated with anxiety. He couldn't understand how he'd fallen into this again. It was doomed to go down in flames just like all the others, only this time there is a price. Donatello was in no means disposable in his eyes.

Aside from having grown up as brothers, Donnie is genuinely kind and pure of heart and smart and _innocent_…Raphael interrupted his thought train and shook his head …his brother deserves more than the selfish sexual deviant he'd become. Raph is confident with the sexual stuff but when it came to relationships…he withdraws with a guarded heart. The agony from his first heartbreak burdened his soul, afraid to risk another one.

Raph's thoughts were halted by a warm hand on his shoulder. Slowly, he covered it with his own. Donnie had been stirred from his slumber when his brother slid away from his side. He observed Raph, silent in meditation, for a few moments after careful consideration he decided to intervene. Raphael has always been overly critical of himself and Donnie didn't want him to work himself up over everything.

Donnie nonchalantly piggybacked his brother and tightly embraced his middle. _"What-cha doing awake this early?"_ he softly whispered, as he rested his chin on Raph's broad shoulder.

Not knowing how to respond, Raphael turned his head and kissed the inquisitive turtle. Then hooked his fingers under Donnie's leg and shifted around to face him, he found no resistance and his brother welcomed his advancement. Raph rubbed his cheek against Don's jaw line.

Donnie breathing became rigid as Raph enticingly nibbled along his neck and lightly squeezed the flesh on the underside of his thigh then confidently caressed inwards towards…

Suddenly Don grabbed Raph's hand firmly and looked rather seriously into his stunned brother's eyes; _"Can I…"_ his eyes momentary darted towards the conjunction between Raph's legs, _"I want to try to..."_

Raph cocked his head to the side, _"Are you sure? It's not as easy as it looks."_ The determination on Donnie face said it all; doubtfully Raph shifted and leaned back against the pillows, propped up just enough, to observe the inexperienced turtle's progress.

Donnie smiled warmly his eyes filled with curious wonder as he slipped down between Raphael's muscular thighs. Donnie bit his bottom lip as he struggled to coax Raph's private member out from its hiding place. Don's cheek flushed fiercely and sheepishly looked up at his brother.

Raphael chuckled, _"Don't be afraid of it Donnie, you're not going to hurt me."_ Raph reached down and effortlessly freed his swollen organ.

Don examined the intimate parts of his brother; Raph's hard shaft was surprisingly thick, engorged from the restriction of blood flow, and pulsated with his anticipation. Little droplets of moisture sipped from a tiny hole on its tip…

Raph shifted awkwardly, _"Umm, Donnie this is starting to feel a little…weird."_

"_Oh sorry"_ Don quickly responded, _"I've just never seen one this close before."_ He looked shyly up at his more experienced brother, _"How do I…ah…do I…do this?"_

Raph tried to be patient, _"You planning on using your hand or your mouth?"_ Donnie blushed and touched his mouth with his fingers. Raph nodded, _"Ok, enclose the base firmly with your hand; take the head in your mouth and stroke it with your tongue."_

Don gripped the now painfully throbbing cock with his hand, with scientific precision applied varying pressures and mentally noted which ones made Raph groan. Slowly he took it into his mouth, the taste was intoxicating. Ambitiously Don attempted to take deep into his mouth; its girth quickly overwhelmed him and he violently gagged.

Raphael snickered in spite of himself, _"Did the same thing my first time, don't worry about it." _

Donnie smiled curiously, _"Really? How was your first time?"_

Raphael smile faded as the distant memory surfaced, _"it was lousy"_ he huffed and turned his head away for a moment.

Raph sighed loudly and focused his gaze deep into his brother's eyes then slowly leaned forward and scooped Don into his arms. Raph kissed Don reassuringly, and whispered _"We should probably wash up before everyone wakes up, and maybe we can have a little more fun in the shower too." _

Don smirked, _"What are we waiting for then"_ as he launched himself out of bed and raced towards the bathroom, Raphael followed close behind.

The pair of turtles cautiously stalked into the common area and scanned their surroundings from the shadows. Confident that the rest of the lair's inhabitants were asleep, they dashed silently to the lavatory and locked the door behind them.

As Raph leaned into the shower to turn on the water, Don tightly embraced him from behind and suggestively caressed Raph's inner thigh. _"And what do you think you're doing_?" Raph teased playfully.

Without a word, Donatello spun Raphael around and fused his lips upon his brother's gasping mouth. Disorientated Raph stumbled backward under the hot, stinging water and was abruptly halted when his shell collided against concrete wall, _**thwack**_ Solidly pinned against the wall, Donnie eagerly pressed his body against Raphael.

Raph groaned as Don nipped along his neck and rubbed the conjunction between his muscular thighs. With a devilish grin, Don whispered,"I **always** finish what I initiate," then he aggressively yanked Raphael's revitalized organ from its hiding place.

Don sharply bit Raphael on the neck and erratically pumped the rigid muscle tightly encased within his confident hand, _this he's had some experience with_. Raph's eyes lulled back as his body involuntary shuddered throwing his head back, it cracked painfully against the damp concrete wall. Incapacitated for a few tantalizing moments, Raph groaned as delicious pressure mounted deep within his groins.

An animalistic combustion of desire triggered the temperamental turtle's natural assertiveness; he swiftly maneuvered around his typically docile brother with an overpowering urge to reinforce his dominance.

Raph kicked Donnie's legs apart and stabbed his throbbing cock deep into his brother's tight anal mouth. Donnie gritted his teeth and braced himself against the rough surface of the wall while Raphael'sfrenzied thrusts literally lifted him from the ground. Gradually Raph regained some control over himself; and paused briefly to take a deep breath.

Donnie glanced over his shoulder slightly puzzled and smiled reassuringly at his older brother. Raph smiled back then he reached around Don's waist and firmly gripped his brother's thick cock. Raph briskly stroked the neglected organ at a steady pace as he slowly pumped his member into Donnie's constricting orifice, gaining momentum as the hunger maddened him once again.

Donnie moaned as waves pleasure surged through his body, finally he climaxed milky ropes of fluids shot from his tightly enclosed cock. Raphael's body convulsed uncontrollably as his own intense orgasm blasted his hot seed deep within his trembling brother.

Raphael slumped onto Donnie hard shell and rested for a few moments to breath. _"Damn…Th…aah…that was…so damn…"_ Raphael's vocabulary liquidated in his throat from the aftershock, he stuttered, _"So gooood."_ Reluctantly Raph slowly slid his satisfied organ out of his brother.

Don turned around and pulled Raph close giggling, _"good? We just had mind-blowing, maliciously hot, intensely gratifying sex and all you can say is so good." _Don grabbed the soap and squeezed a little in his hand; tenderly he lathered Raphael's arms and shoulders, slowing working the slick suds down his brother's quivering torso.

Raphael took another deep breath and returned the favor; gently he washed his brother being especially thorough between Don's legs. The pair nuzzled one another as the warm water streamed along their flesh, taking the soapy bubbles with it on its course to the drain.

Smirking Raph teased, _"Ya know I think I've been a bad influence on you, little bro." _

Donnie smiled lovingly back at Raph gushed, _"No you're exactly how I've always dreamed you would be."_ Raph's half lidded eyes glazed with admiration and he slowly leaned in to…

_**thump, thump, thump**_

"_Who's in there? Hurry up I gotta go!"_ whined a voice on the other side of the door.

Raphael and Donatello looked at one another with wide eyes, _"Mikey,"_ they both whispered in union. Raph quickly turned off the water and muttered quietly, _"Shit! What are we gonna do?" _

Donnie grabbed two towels and handed one to Raphael, _"I'll distract him and you'll slip out unnoticed. It is Mikey we're talking about…couldn't be too difficult."_ Raph nodded as he wrapped the towel around his waist.

Donatello took a deep breath and opened the door, _"morning Mikey hey you should check out what I was...err…working on last night!"_

Mike cocked his head curiously to the side, _"Really! What is it…tell me!"_

"_Better yet I'll show you…"_ Donnie stated as he coaxed his little brother away from the bathroom door, relieved that so far Mikey reacted as he had predicted.

Mikey vigorously nodded his head, _"Ok…let me go pee first and I'll be right there."_ He turned back around and stepped into the bathroom.

Donnie clenched his teeth and his eyes widened; Don was about to open his mouth to explain things to his little brother when he caught some movement out of the corner of his eye. Raphael darkened form dashed up the stairs towards his room. Donnie sighed and headed off to his lab with a broad smile across his face.

Author's Note:


	7. Chapter 7

Affections for an Idle Heart

By Zye

I do not own the TMNT characters; we should all know who does (sighs).

An epic story trailing a coupling between Raphael and Donatello; adult theme slash (?) relations

Could a wounded heart ever learn to love again?

'_Confrontations' (Chapter 7)_

Raphael agilely dashed up the stairs; he was still soaking wet and naked except for a towel sloppily tied around his waist. His pace slackened as he drew near to his bedroom door and took a brief moment to glance over his shoulder towards the common area where he had eluded his youngest brother, Michelangelo, undetected.

An egotistical smirk spread across his face as he marveled at his own masterful getaway. Whoa, that was so close…Damn I'm good! Don didn't even see me slip past Mikey.The mere thought of Donatello softened his smirk into a dreamy half grin, Donnie wasn't too bad either, very resourceful that one is…"With a soft sigh, Raph went into his room and flipped on the light.

Raphael immobilized almost immediately as his eyes fell upon his elder brother, Leonardo, who was sitting on the edge of the bed. Startled, Raph swayed slightly in the doorway. Leo's eyes slowly met his brother's, _"Nice towel Raph, a little early for a shower; don't you think?" _

Raph felt his cheeks burn red; he couldn't believe that he'd been caught red bandana-less by the fearless leader…of all turtles. Raph glared bitterly at his brother, _"Damn it Leo, What the hell are you doing in my room?!?" _ He stomped angrily to the small wooden table which normally housed his gear and suddenly realized that he'd left them in Donnie's room. _"Oops"_ he muttered.

Leonardo sternly stared at his hot-tempered little brother, "Oops?" he furiously shook his head and stood up in a strong defensive stance, _"This has deteriorated way beyond Oops, Raphael. For years I've turned a blind eye to your self-destructive promiscuous behaviors hoping that it was just a phase. But I will not tolerate this…"_

Inside Raph's heart endured searing stabs of pain as his chest seemed to constrict around it. He snapped around to face Leo and growled through his clenched teeth, _"What the hell are __**you**__ yakking about now? I haven't done nothing…now get out of my room!" _

Leonardo closed his eyes and sighed, _"I saw you Raphael. I saw you with Donatello. I know what you've been doing to him."_ Leo looked directly into his brother's dark brown eyes and chose his words carefully, _"I know you've been hurting for a long time Raph but randomly sleeping with anybody and everybody isn't going to make your pain go away."_

Raphael slowly swallowed the lump in the back of his throat then swiftly turned away from Leo and grumbled, _"What would you know about it anyway? Just go away."_

Leo took a step closer to Raph, _"You know using him like __that__ is __**way**__ over the line Raphael."_ Leonardo firmly placed his hand on Raph's shoulder, _"You know it's wrong."_

Raphael's muscles tensed under Leo's strong grasp, _"It isn't…I mean…I swear it's not like that Leo…I…I care about Don and I'm gonna try ta do things right…this time_."

Leo skeptically raised an eye ridge, _"Really? So you haven't had any of your nightmares lately?" _

Raphael's eyes narrowed angrily, _"They're just stupid dreams, Leo. They don't fucking mean anything!"_ he snarled.

Leo closed his eyes and nodded solemnly, _"Just think about what you're doing to him. Do you really want to be responsible for hurting Donatello, your little brother?" _Leonardo released his brother's shoulder and left him alone; hoping that this time Raphael would heed his warning.

Raph exhaled with relief when he heard the door click shut, and fell back onto his bed. His wiser brother's words weighed heavily on his mind, he certainly didn't wish to hurt Donnie but the truth was he had cherished every moment they had spent together. If he could only block out those nightmares then maybe just maybe he could love Don.

Donatello sighed dreamily as he rubbed his cheek against a length of red cloth. His olfactory perception detected a faint musky odor lingering within its intricate knots, the masculine aroma of his heart's desire. He chuckled softly and grazed a finger along Raph's tattered leather belt; apparently he's as rough on his gear as he is on my… Donnie's cheeks flushed. He carefully folded the red bandana and placed it neatly on his bed next to Raphael's other forgotten items.

Fortunately, Donnie had had barely enough time to hide the evidence of Raphael's '_sleep over'_, shoving the items under his bed, just before Michelangelo excitedly burst into his room. Don kept a box of miscellaneous treats especially for his playful little brother, normally used to distract Mikey when he wanted to work on his inventions without interruptions. It had worked like a charm; Mikey giddily mauled his new prize and streaked back to the common area to play with it.

The back of Don's neck prickled alerting him to a presence behind him…watching him; casually he glanced over his shoulder and coolly hushed, _"Come in, I know you're out there Raphael."_

Raphael pushed open Don's door and hesitated briefly in the open doorway, _"How'd ya know it was me?" _

Donnie grinned and held up Raph's bandana, _"Had a feeling you'd drop by."_ As nonchalantly as he was physically capable Don strolled towards his older brother and placed the forgotten cloth in Raph's hand. Raphael simply nodded and proceeded to tie his color snuggly over his eyes.

Don beamed at Raph and encircled his arms around his brawny brother's shoulders; _"You are truly amazing, I thought for sure we'd been caught,"_ he giggled and shook his head with admiration, _"I knew you were good but…Wow!"_

Raphael dropped his eyes momentary and warily grinned; he wrapped his arms around Don's waist. _"Yeah"_ he cleared his throat, _"you were pretty damn good too"_ he said softly.

Donnie studied his usually cocky brother's face and wondered, he's being modest…this is new…he must love me! Don tilted his head a little to the side as he leaned forward then passionately kissed his older brother.

Raph reluctantly hesitated then opened his mouth allowing Donnie's tongue to snake inside. Donnie's tongue slowly teased the warm, wet flesh along the walls of Raph's mouth then encouragingly stroked his brother's tongue. Raphael took the cue and their tongues wrestled hungry for one another's taste.

Don nipped gently at Raph's lower lip and pulled away to glance at the clock. With a loud sigh, Donnie gazed back into Raphael's eye, _"I guess we better get to practice,"_ he whined and pouted his bottom lip.

Raphael's shoulders tensed at the thought of sparing with Leonardo and solemnly nodded in reply. Don's brow scrunched with concern, _"Are you ok? Ya seem kind-of quiet all of a sudden."_

"_Yeah, I'm fine,"_ Raph lied then moved to retrieve the rest of his gear and quickly strapped them on. _"Let's go before they send out a search party,"_ he smirked trying to sound causal.

Don scrutinized his brother tense demeanor and concluded that _something_ must be wrong, _"Raph"_ he said meekly and bit his bottom lip, _"Are you…are you getting…bored with me or something?" _

Raphael's mouth gapped open as he connected with his brother's uncertain eyes and shook his head, _"No…no Don I'm not…I just…"_ he closed his eyes tight, _"its not you…I just…need to…some time to…"_ he felt a lump constricting his airway, _"I like you, a lot"_ he finally choked out. Raph boldly stepped over to Donnie and took his hands, _"believe me I do…but I think I'm gonna fuck it up because…" _Raph squeezed Don's hand and look away, "_I don't want to stop."_

Donatello had expected Raphael's response to be more sarcastically evasive than soul bearing. It's clear that he does care about me, in one way or another. It is possible that Raph may even love me too unfortunately he seems to view love as a vulnerability which would explain his distress. Perhaps we are moving a little fast. He gazed into Raph's perplexed eyes and smiled warmly, _"I don't want this to stop either."_

Raph sighed with relief and kissed Donnie before they headed off to the dojo for their morning lessons.

Raphael,

Last night you asked

If I had any fantasies well

Put on this tool belt and meet me in the lab

There is a loose connection

Under my desk that needs to be repaired, if you think

You can handle it tough guy.

Leo's out doing some more Extra training with Mike,

So we should have enough time to play

I can't wait to get my hands on you!

XXOO

Donnie

Raphael slyly smirked as he strapped the tool belt around his waist, _"Yup, I'm a bad influence on that one,"_ he snickered to himself. Casually he strolled down the hall, prepared to cater to his little brother's 'loose connection.' He paused briefly at the door to the lab then knocked softly.

_"Enter,"_ commanded a voice from within the sealed room.

Raph slowly opened the door and peered cautiously inside. Donatello was seated in front of his computer attired in a white lab coat with a pocket protector, of all things. He cleared his throat and spoke clearly, _"Did you call for a…ahh…handy man Professor, sir?"_

Don crossly glared the turtle in the doorway, _"yes, like three hours ago; there is a connection loose somewhere beneath the desk, I'm very busy and I want you to fix it immediately without disturbing my research,"_ he huffed, cracking a faint smile.

"_Yes sir…no problem, I can work in tight places," _the handy turtle reassured. Then crouched under Don's desk and wheeled his chair snugly in behind him.

Michelangelo panted heavy and leaned against the doorway clutching his side. He shook his head furiously and stated to himself, _**"No more!" **_ He grinded his teeth and stormed down the hall to confront his so called 'best friend.'

Dramatically he burst into the lab and threw his arms into the air, _**"What's up with you lately Don!?!?"**_ he demanded.

Don snapped his head forward from his 'stretch' and shifted forward awkwardly closer to his desk, _"Mikey…errr…uhmm…this isn't a good time bro,"_ he gasped in shock.

Mike's eyes narrowed and he paced the floor wildly gesturing with his arms, _"It's never a good time anymore! What ever happened to watchin each other's backs…you know pairin' together for training! Do you have any idea how many miles Leo had me run this week!?!?"_

Raphael insidiously smirked then proceeded to take the length of Don throbbing cock deep into his mouth. Don bit his bottom lip to muffle a faint moan then swatted at him ineffectively; Raph had no intention to stop.

Don shook his head and tried to focus on his ranting little brother, _"Please Mikey I'm…ahhh…really"_ he sharply inhaled with a restrained look of torture, _"I'm busy Mike…please go," _he pleaded then turned away.

Mike angrily gawked at his brother, _"You're always too busy! You never pay any attention to me anymore! The only one you even talk to anymore is the Psycho…"_ he shook his head.

Raph raised an eye brow and nipped at the tender flesh at the tip…

_"Ouch…errr…Th...That's not true…I…pleassse stop…I…do pay attention to you Mikey…" _he sighed raspy.

Mike lowered his head defeated and slouched his shoulders, _"No…you haven't for months now…and I feel like I lost my best friend…" _he sniffed and buried his face in his hands for a moment then sadly gazed at Donatello.

Raphael pulled carefully away from the pulsating flesh and tilted his head to hear better…

Don's face was flushed and he trembled slightly from the sensory overload, his eyes welled sympathetically as he stared at his little brother, _"Oh Mike…I…I…don't mean to ignore you…" _Quickly he crammed his now painfully protesting organ back under his shell and returned his gaze to Mike.

Raph sensed unspoken confliction as Don's body tensed…

"_No…you like Raph best now..."_ Mikey gurgled as tears streamed shamelessly from his eyes.

"_Mike, you're my best friend. You know that. And Raph and I...uhmmm…well…"_ Don stalled uncertain of how he could possibly explain…

Raph slowly placed a hand upon Don's thigh and squeezed gently, reassuring his brother to do whatever he felt was necessary.

Donnie glanced down at his older brother with a weak smile of gratitude across his lips and took Raph's hand in his. Slowly he pushed back from his desk and pulled the concealed turtle into Mike's view. They stood side by side hand in hand and nervously awaited their little brother's reaction.

_"Wha…wh…"_ Mikey murmured, utterly baffled by his hot-headed brother sudden appearance. His eyes darted frantically from Don…hands…Raph...Don…hands…

Raph…Don…hands…Raph?!? _"Wha…wh were you doing under Don's desk?"_ he finally managed to muttered, his confused eyes locked on Raphael.

Raph's eyes widen slightly and he shrugged saying, _"ahh I was…ahh…fixing…"_ cleared his throat and his eyes dropped to the ground, _"Just helping Don out…that's all…"_

Donnie squeezed Raph's hand and looked empathically at their stunned little brother, _"Raph and I are…err uhm…"_

Mikey shook his head with wide frightened eyes as it dawned on him what was going on, _"no…no…no way…why? How? When?" _ His eyes searched Donatello for answers…

Don cleared his throat, his eyes pleaded with Mike for understanding, _"It just sort-of happened…"_

Mikey slowly swallowed the lump in the back of his throat then stabbed his eyes at Raph and took a threatening step towards him, Raph held his ground. _"There is only one thing I want from you Raphael,"_ he demanded as his eyes narrowed, _"you're gonna train with Leo again,"_ he shyly cracked a grin and shook his head, _"I just can't take it anymore!"_

Raph exhaled in disbelief and nodded, _"you got it, bro, anything!"_

Mike giggled nervously as he scanned his two brothers then tilted his head to the side and asked, "Ahh…Raph, what's with the tool belt, anyway?

Raph opened his mouth then thought better of it and shook his head, _"Didn't mean to hog Donnie all to myself bro why don't I just..."_ He let go of Don's hand and headed towards the exit with a wide grin on his face. He paused beside Mike a placed a hand on his shoulder, _"Thanks bro."_

Mike nodded in response and watched Raphael exit before turning his attention back to Donatello. There was concern in his eyes for his best friend, _"Why him? I mean I'm glad he's on our side…but Don he's a Psycho."_

_"Personally I think he's just misunderstood, that all"_ sighed Don patiently, _"I love him Mike…for a long time now…that's why." _

_"Just be careful Donnie, he can be a real heart breaker from what I've heard,"_ Mike threw his arms around his brother, _"But I'll stand by ya no matter what you and Raph do."_

"_Thank you. You are truly the best, best friend a turtle could ever hope for,"_ Don warmly smiled and hugged Mike close.

---

Leonardo clenched his hand into tight ball at what he had just overheard from the shadows in the hall. His eyes grew cold and determined, _"No I will not let this happen to him! I'm going to put a stop to this now,"_ he muttered under his breath. Swiftly he tracked down the hall and caught his hot-headed brother off guard. He grabbed Raph firmly on the bicep and proceeded to drag him out into the sewer tunnel.


	8. Chapter 8

Affections for an Idle Heart

By Zye

I do not own the TMNT characters; we should all know who does (sighs).

An epic story trailing a coupling between Raphael and Donatello; adult theme slash (?) relations

Could a wounded heart ever learn to love again?

'Light in the Shadows'_** chapter 8**_

"_Ow! Leo what the…"_ Raphael's voice echoed thunderously through the lair and was abruptly followed by a loud…**Crack…thud.**

_ Back in the lab _

Donatello jerked his head towards the sudden outburst from down the hall, his startled brown eyes widened with a hint of fear as the lair grew uncommonly silent. Donnie involuntary held his breath and bit his bottom lip, willing to hear his hot-headed brother's voice. Nothing but silence stung his ears….

Michelangelo's mouth gapped open as he stared in the direction of the disturbance then shook his head, _"It's probably just another fight,"_ he nervously glanced at Don for some reassurance.

Donnie inhaled sharply and dashed towards the common area with Mike close behind him, _"Raph?!"_ No answer. _"Raph,"_ Don called hoarsely and frantically scanned the chamber for any trace of his older brothers.

Mikey scratched his head and wandered throughout the room, _"Where did they go?" _

Donnie shook his head; _"I don't know it's not like them to…"_ he petrified mid-step as his eyes fell upon a dark liquid spattered on the ground. Don felt light-headed as the color drained from his face, _"M…mi...Mikey…"_ he stuttered and pointed a shaky finger to the spot on the floor that made heart constrict into a tight knot.

Michelangelo cautiously stooped over the dark liquid and timidly probed it with a finger; his horrified eyes suddenly darted to Donatello. Blood, a diminutive trail that lead out of the lair into the darkened passageways of the sewers.

They sprinted out of the lair to search for Raphael and Leonardo. In a blind panic they ransacked various passageways, minutes seemed to take hours. Don suddenly stopped dead in his tracks, _"We're never going to find them this way,"_ he concluded and looked around. _"Do you have your shell-cell?"_ he asked Mikey, his own was on his computer desk back at the lair.

"_Um, yeah…here but I don't think they're gonna answer n' tell ya where they are,"_ said Mike as he tossed his shell-cell to his brother.

Donnie managed a faint smile and informed his younger brother, _"I installed a trackin' program the last time Raph went rogue, hopefully one of them has their shell-cells on them." _

Mikey watched Don press a series of buttons and analyze the tiny screen; he grunted impatiently then asked, _"Any luck?"_

Don made a concerned face then pressed a few more buttons, _"Raph's back at the lair according to this,"_ he mumbled. _"But Leo is in sector five,"_ he faintly smiled then pointed to his right, _"that way."_

The pair of trained ninjas instinctually kept silent as they skirted along in the shadows of a narrow passageway leading to sector five. Cautiously they peered into a vast chamber which opened in front of them, runoff rain water pooled at its far side and several main sewer arteries zigzagged along its perimeter which would provide a turtle plenty of cover.

The damp, concrete walls impersonated a low murmur of familiar voices too faint to make out actual words; directed Donnie's keen eyesight towards a darkened corner of the chamber.

Donatello clearly saw his eldest brother's form crossly posed and focused intently on Raphael, who was slumped against the wall, his face buried in his hands. Mike and Don exchanged a wary glance at one another, and then silently crept closer to their brothers. They froze as Leonardo voice sounded sternly, ordering Raphael to…

_ previously with Leonardo and Raphael _

Leonardo smacked Raph hard across the face and brutally twisted his brother's arm behind his back. He seized the ties of Raph's bandana, jerking his brother's head back and growled in a low voice, _"If pain is the only way you'll listen than pain is what you'll get! Now quiet."_ With a sharp kick, he drove his brother face first into the door, and forcefully maneuvered him through the vast maze of sewer tunnels, never relaxing his grip on Raphael's arm or bandana.

Satisfied they were alone; Leo hurled Raphael into a concrete wall; his strong hands braced against Raph's chest, pinning his brother to the wall. Leo leaned in close to Raph and angrily hissed into his brother's face, _"I swear if you don't end it with Don now, I'm informing Master Splinter about everything!"_

Raphael's eyes narrowed and he shoved his older brother, throwing him back a few paces then took a bold step forwards, _"you wouldn't dare,"_ Raph bitterly growled pointing a thick finger at Leo, _"Telling Splinter anything would betray our 'Pact' and you ain't exactly innocent Leo!"_

Leonardo glared directly into his hot-headed brother's eyes, _"I have an obligation to Donatello too and that takes precedence over our arraignment Raphael." _He stretched his arms wide out to his side, _"You can't possible expect me to just let you do whatever you want to him!"_

Raphael shook his head and threw his arms up wildly, _"It ain't like that I told you, I wanta be with him and he wants ta be with me so what is your fuckin' problem Leo!"_

"_You say that every time you do this, Raphael,"_ Leo's body shook with frustration, _"but you always freak out and withdraw when they get too close to you."_ He inhaled deeply to calm himself then continued, _"don't you understand how many you've hurt already or are you so selfish that you truly don't care?" _

Raph rolled his eyes and snorted, _"Whatever."_

"_He's in love with you!"_ Leo exclaimed, _"and you're going to rip his heart out,"_ he grinded his teeth, _"damn you Raphael…think about it!"_

He dropped his head slightly and took a deep breath, _"Look, it just sort happened,"_ his hand rubbed the back of his neck, _"I didn't plan it but damn-it I'm gonna make it work. I really want it to work, Leo." _Raphael searched his brother's eyes for the approval he secretly longed for.

"_It just happened?"_ Leonardo's eyes gleamed with suspicion, _"Are you honestly tryin' to tell me that __**you're**__ innocent,"_ he chuckled almost sinisterly and shook his head, _"how did it happen, Raphael."_ He took a threateningly step forward, _"tell me did he make the first move or did you lure him to you and lose control, taking what you wanted?" _ Leo's voice lowered and he raised an eye-ridge, _"you stole his innocence, didn't you?"_

Raphael's eyes narrowed defensively as he thought...I didn't take advantage of Donatello, did I? I might have…he didn't struggle though…but maybe I did…but he liked it...I did take advantage of him! A sickening whirlwind thrashed against the lining of his stomach and he numbly collapsed backward until his shell pressed against the brick wall. Slowly he receded down the rough, damp surface of the wall and mumbled, "_I…I…didn't think I …I never meant too…"_ his jaw stiffened and he covered his face.

Leonardo rigidly stood to the side of his brother and crossed his arms, _"I forbid you to go anywhere near Donatello without me by your side, you are going to apologize for leading him on and end it. Do you understand?" _

Raphael's dark brown eyes slowly rose to meet his older brother's eyes, _"Leo, I…"_ he stammered, _"I can't…"_

Donatello aggressively lunged out of the shadows and bitterly confronted his eldest brother, _"Leo you have no right to tell Raphael that! What Raph and I do has nothin' to do with you!" _

Leonardo startled and his eyes widened in disbelief at Don's sudden intrusion. Raphael swiftly scrambled to his feet and gawked at Donnie with humiliated admiration. Michelangelo hesitantly revealed himself from behind a bulky aqueduct and meekly grinned, _"Well…we're all here now,"_ he guiltily mused in attempt to ease the tension.

Leo quickly composed himself and calmly asked, _"Don, how long have you been here and what did you hear?" _

"_I heard enough," _Don stated, then quickly moved to Raph's side and wiped a smug of blood from Raph's face, _"don't let him do this,"_ Don pleaded softly.

Raphael withdrew from Donnie and shamefully hung his head, _"Leo's right I'm outa control…you were innocent and I…"_ his brow wrinkled, _"I practically raped you,"_ he choked as his eyes swollen with remorse.

"_Innocent?!?"_ Donnie shook his head and gently raised Raph's chin to look into his eyes. He swallowed hard, _"I wasn't innocent Raph…I knew what you were doin' when I went to your room that night and…I…I wanted you…so I…I"_ he squeezed his eyes tightly shut as he confessed, _"I sabotaged your lock earlier that day…you're not the one at fault, I am."_

Raphael blankly stared at Donatello and processed the new information, slowly his characteristic sly smirk spread across his face, _"I never realized you could be so devious Donnie,"_ he chuckled and enclosed his arms around Don middle.

Don glazed longingly into Raph's eyes, _"you'd be surprised what I'm capable of,"_ he bit his bottom lip, _"when I'm in love."_

Leo's eyes darted from Raphael to Donatello repeatedly, _"it doesn't matter who is responsible for startin' it; you're brothers…its wrong there is no way around that," _he declared with moral conviction.

Donatello's eyes flicked hostilely towards Leo and opened his mouth to respond…

Raphael beat him to the punch, _"no Leo we're not technically brothers,"_ their eyes locked, _"Don did a DNA test, we have different Y chromosomes…means we have different biological fathers anyway."_

Leonardo stared at Raphael in shock; his mouth opened and closed repeatedly without but no sound escaped his throat.

Mikey tilted his head to the side, _"you've been hangin' out with Donnie too much Raph,"_ he teased playfully, _"brainic Jr."_

Don nodded and took Raph's hand, _"Leo, I respect you as our leader but Raphael and I do not require your permission or approval in the matter,"_ he paused, _"but we would appreciate your acceptation." _Don sighed then coaxed Raph back towards the narrow passageway leading back to the lair, _"Come on tough guy let's get you cleaned up."_

"_Not brothers"_ Leo mumbled almost inaudibly as he stared after his departing brothers.

_Yeah kids these days"_ Mikey put a hand on Leo's shoulder _"I know it's a lot to take in but it'll be alright bro,"_ timidly offered to his wary older brother.

Leonardo's body swayed and seemed to go limp, his expressionless face turned slowly away as he stepped backward away from his remaining brother, _"yeah, it is,"_ he breathed.

Mike frowned helplessly concerned as he watched Leo lumber down an adjacent tunnel and disappear into the shadows.

_ back at the lair _

Don pressed a damp washcloth to a small laceration on Raphael's lip and shook his head, _"I don't understand why Leo would do this?"_

Raph stiffened and brushed away his brother's hand, _"It's nothin' Don, barely a scratch."_

"_That's not what I mean,"_ Don's eyes widen mystified, _"why would he drag you off into a secluded place and threaten' you into…"_

"_He has his reasons I guess,"_ Raph interrupted and turned his face away.

A slight twinge of annoyance etched across his olive green face, _"Why are you defending him? It's not like you to just look the other way."_

"_I got my reasons,"_ Raph sighed then casually took Don's hand, "_Look you know how Leo is…I guess he was just tryin' to protect you."_

"_Protect me?"_ A little offended, Don huffed, _"as though I can't take care of myself."_

Raph softly chuckled, "_Yeah you can handle yourself in a fight alright but…"_ he frowned and searched his brother's eyes, _"you always try to find the good in everybody n' well some guys take advantage of that…guys like me,"_ his gaze dropped to the floor.

Don tucked in his bottom lip and pondered the hidden meaning behind his secretive brother's words after a brief moment he concluded it was favorable not to force Raph to elaborate. _"Raph you told me that you didn't want to hurt me n' I trust you. I'm not going to hurt you either," _Donnie put his hand on Raph's shoulder and squeezed reassuringly, _"I'm not going to leave you."_

Gradually Raph nodded then sighed dramatically, _"this has been one shell of a day too bad your fantasy got screwed up, I was really getting' into it before the drama queen waltzed in."_ He looped two fingers under Don's belt and tugged the turtle closer, a sly smirk spread across his face and he gently nipped at Don's neck.

Donnie groaned and resisted for a brief moment, he knew his brother was attempting to evade further discussion about their feelings. However Raphael's persuasive work on his sensitive flesh made it difficult to focus on anything besides how damn good Raph's mouth felt on his skin. His breathing became ragged and he kissed Raph's cheek, surrendering to the implosive desire to touch and be touched.

Attentively Raphael traced the groves of Don's flesh, the conjunction between the neck and shoulders, then slowly worked his tongue upwards to his brother's awaiting mouth. Teasingly he mouthed Donnie's lower lip and leisurely probed his tongue into Don's oral crevice.

Their muscular arms tighten around one another as the kiss intensified; Don shuddered then peeled himself from his brother's mouth. His half lidded eyes playfully bounced along Raph's face and grinned, _"what am I gonna do with you."_

Raph chuckled, _"mmm I can think of a few things,"_ then leaned in to indulge himself with his brother's mouth.

_ Later that night _

A low incoherent mumble escaped from the bed of a trashing turtle, Raph's slumbering facial features mangled with terror. A painful muffled sound erupted from his throat as his body tensed and twisted awkwardly. He arched his back and forcefully exhaled then choked, violently struggling to refill his lungs. With a low groin he abruptly relaxed, panting breathlessly, suddenly he screamed and rolled off the bed onto the cement floor below.

Raphael's body trembled as he rested against the cool damp floor, disorientated from the fall his eyes frantically searched his surround. He was in his bedroom and was relieved to be alone; he closed his eyes and slowly caught his breath. Raph grinded his teeth while he mentally cursed himself and forced the terrifying nightmare to the back of his mind.

Raph stood up, wiped the sweat from his forehead and headed towards the kitchen for something to drink. He fetched a cup and turned on the faucet; testing the water with his finger he waited for it to run cold.

The back of Raph's neck suddenly prickled, and he turned to find Leonardo leaned against the wall staring at him. Raph's eyes narrowed and he turned his eyes intently back to the faucet then growled, _"What?"_

Leonardo raised an eye ridge_, "you're so predictable Raphael the moment anyone says they love you,"_ took a step toward his brother, _"and you start wakin' up with nightmares. Let's see now,"_ tapped a finger against his temple, _"you've only managed to keep it together for…what…ten days with previous relationship before these nightmares turn that heart of yours cold…How long ya gonna last this time Raph?"_

Raphael chugged his water and snapped angrily, _"Ah, back off Leo, I ain't gonna let myself hurt Donnie no matter how damn bad those stupid nightmares get n' I don't need you riden' my fuckin' shell either."_

Leo studied his hot-headed brother then sighed, _"you should've taken' the easy out Raph."_

Raph smirked and chuckled, _"that ain't my style bro…when do I ever take the easy road."_ His arms stretched out from his sides and he tilted his head, _"besides we ain't doin' anything wrong,"_ his eyes blazed at Leo, _"and at least Donnie got someone who knows how ta please a guy."_

Leo clenched his teeth and hissed, _"you think you're all that, you cocky little bitch, fine; don't expect me to smooth things over when __**'you'**__ crush Don's heart…you're on your own with this one."_ Leo stormed out of the kitchen and slammed the door to his room.

With mixed feelings Raphael watched Leonardo disappear behind his bedroom door then slowly he braced himself against the counter and lowered head in unspoken despair.

Author's note: Only one more chapter to go, thank you for reading so far ;)


	9. Chapter 9

Tormented Nights

By Zye

Crash

"_You did that on purpose…"_ accused a stern voice.

"_No, I didn't,"_ recoiled a low growl, _"if ya knew how ta hand a guy a plate this wouldn't happen."_

"_Oh so it's my fault, is it,"_ snorted the other voice, _"__you've been breakin' stuff left n' right but it's my fault? Hey! Where do you think you're goin' you better clean this mess up."_

"_What ya can't use your eyes either…"_ sarcastically bellowed back, _"I'm getting' the damn broom!"_

Michelangelo peered over the edge of his comic book, annoyed by the commotion in the kitchen. Raphael broke a plate and Leonardo got in his face about it. Even Mikey could see that it was small stuff and not worth fighting about but this was Raph and Leo.

"_They're fighting again,"_ asked a soft murmur from behind him.

Mikey jumped a little startled and clutched his hand over his heart, _"Shell don't do that to a guy, Donnie!" _Then smiled faintly at Don and shrugged, _"Yeah…they always fight…err…you know them."_

"_Not like this…" _Don's voice trailed off, _"it was never this bad before…"_ he bit his bottom lip and rubbed his forehead then turned to go back to his lab.

Mike's mouth opened then shut again, speechlessly, as he watched his brainy brother somber away down the hall. He glanced longingly down at his comic, _"I'll be right back, my love,"_ he gushed lovingly and petted the glossy cover. With a deep sigh, he hurled himself over the top of the couch and raced after Donatello.

"_Hey you,"_ Mikey cooed and tilted his head slightly to the side, _"what's goin' on in here,"_ he peered into Don's lab.

Donnie was seated at his desk, staring blankly at the computer monitor. _"I just don't get it…ever since Leo drug him down that tunnel…he's been distant and wakin' up on the 'floor' with horrible nightmares that he won't talk about…he hasn't spent the whole night with me in weeks, he leaves in the middle of the night and…" _he choked and his eyes started to string_, "I just feel like I'm losing him."_ A tear rolled down Don's cheek before he buried his face in his hands.

Mike rushed over and snugly hugged Don, _"hey now you're not losin' him…I..uhm…do you want me to talk to him bout it?" _

Donnie furiously shook his head, _"no, the last thing he needs is someone else lecturing him about it. I'm just getting worried I guess,"_ he sniffed and rubbed his eyes.

"_Ok I won't say anything to him,"_ Mike sighed then glanced at Don's monitor, _"what's this?"_ Mikey pointed at the screen and studied the 'foreign' language for a few seconds, _"treatment for night terrors..."_

Donnie nodded, _"I think it's what Raph is suffering from…he trashes about, screaming and I can't wake him up…he says he doesn't remember them but you know Raph,"_ he smiled weakly at Mike. _"It can be treated with medication…but I can rarely get him to take aspirin… no way he'd take a __tranquillizer,"_ he sighed deeply.

"_Hey!"_ Mikey declared brightly and his eyes widened massively, _"try that backwards physic-babble trick thing on him?"_ Don just blinked baffled and Mike's smile dimmed slightly, _"you know, instead of saying don't eat the cake say here eat cake…"_ Mike's stomach grumbled loudly, _"uhm bad example now I want cake."_

"_Oh you mean reverse psychology,"_ Donnie chuckled in spite of himself, _"I tried that last time Raph was injured…he still refused to take any medicine. Good suggestion though,"_ he sighed, _"the nightmares I can deal with but he's grown almost cold to me now…we don't talk much anymore…you know?"_

Mike scratched he head, _"maybe you just need to take back some of the control."_

Donnie tilted his head and asked, _"What do you mean?"_

"_Well when I want Raph to go skateboarding with me I don't sit around and wait for him to wanta go, I throw his blades at him n' say __**'dude let's go bust a pipe'**__ and then he'll skate with me,"_ Mikey grinned, _"maybe you need ta say hey Raph 'shell here tonight' n' I bet he will."_

"_I don't want to force him to…"_ Don started

Mike interrupted, _"You're not forcing him to do anything Donnie but you are letting him get away…I think Raph likes it when you take charge…or maybe you could just follow him back to his room when he leave at night…or…?"_

Don's eyes dropped, _"I don't know…you know how Raph is, he hates being told what to do and he needs his privacy."_

Mikey smiled warmly at Don, _"ya know for being the smart one ya sure miss a lot,"_ he giggled then continued, _"you didn't notice how he let you lead him away from his fight with Leo…he didn't even argue about it… just let you take him back home to put a Band-Aid on his booboo…now that ain't like him. Or when you told him you sabbbttaggee uhm broke his lock he wasn't in control of that…you were and if anyone else would've done that n' they would've gotten their shell kicked." _

Donnie's mouth opened slightly then shut again as he pondered his little brother's perspective, _"you know maybe you're right. He really seemed to like it in the shower when I…."_

Mikey hands quickly covered his ear, _"ahhhh ewwe don't wanta know…"_

Donnie giggled and nodded, _"no I suppose you wouldn't,"_ then he hugged Mike, _"thanks bro, I feel a lot better."_

**_later in the cover of darkness_ **

Donatello hovered apprehensively outside Raphael's bedroom door with an idle sweaty palm gripped upon the handle. _Why am I so nervous_; he thought to himself then quietly opened the door and slipped into the darkened room. Don heard a soft rustling sound as his brother shifted in his bed and asked in a hushed voice, _"Are you awake?"_

Raph rubbed his eyes and muttered a groggy, _"yeah'_ he cleared his throat, _"I'm awake."_

With a confident smile, Don rushed over to Raph's bed and crawled under the covers, snuggling close to his brother. Raphael wrapped an arm around Donnie and yawned sleepily. Don's hand tentatively swept across Raph's plastron and curled his fingers under the adjacent chest plate. Raph's eyes closed and breathed a soft, _"hey ya whacha doing?"_

Without a word, Don nuzzled his beak against his brother's collarbone then sunk his teeth into the sensitive flesh. The unexpected exertion jolted Raph's eyes open and he inhaled forcefully. Don kissed the area he'd bitten and then with one swift motion hoisted himself on top of his brother and his other hand caressed downwards finally halted with his fingered curled under the bottom edge of Raph's shell.

Raphael groaned softly and muttered, _"Feelin' a little frisky tonight babe?"_

Don casually licked up Raph's neck and inched his hand further under his brother's shell, stroking the hardening flesh with his thumb. With a soft moan, Raph extended his organ from the security of his shell into Donnie's capable hand. The brainy turtle snaked his tongue into Raph's mouth and proceeded to rhythmically pump the engorged phallus.

Raph panted as delicious pressure surged throughout his body and leaned to flip his brother onto his shell.

Don firmly pressed his free hand against Raph's shoulder to block his brother's attempt to take the dominate position. Slowly Don's hand grazed across Raph's entrance and he glazed into his brother's puzzled brown eyes, _"could I…"_ he blushed and bit his bottom lip, _"just once…try to…if you want to that is."_

Raph's eyes narrowed suspiciously then rapidly blinked and he evasively muttered, _"Guess so if it's what ya wanta do."_

Don enticingly traced his brother's plastron and whispered softly, _"You sure?"_

Raph looked sternly into Donnie eyes, _"You said you wanted to so just do it already." _He took a deep breath and spread his legs wider then wrapped them around Don's calves.

Don dropped his thick cock from his shell and rubbed it against Raph's tight ring of muscle. Raph gruffly exhaled and seized Don's organ, angling it for smooth passage into the intimate opening. Don sheepishly grinned and braced an arm above Raph's shoulder.

Raph's body tensed and he held his breath as his brother slowly inched his cock inside his clenched entrance. Once he was buried to the hilt Donnie waited or Raph to relax, kissing him tenderly. A look of pure torture crossed Raph's face and a vague residue of fear gleamed within his watery eyes.

"_You need to relax,"_ Donnie slowly stroked Raph's face, _"Have you ever done this before?"_

"_Once,"_ Raph's grumbled as he body started to tremble, _"ok a few times."_

Don's eye ridge scrunched, _"Did you like it?"_

"_No,"_ Raph swallowed hard, _"I don't know…maybe…just get it over with."_

Don had no intention in doing anything his brother wouldn't enjoy and started to pull out of Raphael…

Raph clutched Don's waist and glared at him, "Just do it…"

Don leaned in and kissed Raph's check, _"then trust me to be your 'safety net' and relax…"_ he whispered softy into his brother ear, _"I love you…" _

**_later that same night_ **

A flash of a strong confident body…he is thrown to the ground and pinned by the crushing weight on top of him…he struggles violently as his legs are forced apart…the figure dominates him and heedlessly drives a rigid organ deep into his virginal channel…the intense pain blinds him …his screams are muffled by a forceful kiss…he strains against the frenzied thrusts...unwilling pleasure mounts deep within…an instinctual force controls his hips as they rise and fall with the thrusts…he climaxes, erupting between their grinding bodies…the intruder releases hot fluids deep inside him…they relax holding one another for a moment…he feels unusually secure in the strong arms that hold him…the figure pulls away suddenly, ashamed, and flees into the darkness… the floor crumbles away…he falls…alone into the eternal blackness… A familiar hand firmly grabs a hold of his arm preventing his plummet…a loving voice calls his name…"_Raph, Raph wake up, Raph wake up." _

Raphael opened his eyes and blinked rapidly; gradually he focused on the figure leaning over him. Donnie stared down at Raph with a concerned look on his face, _"Are you alright? You were dreaming again and…"_

"_I'm fine,"_ Raph grumbled evasively and rubbed his eyes.

"_Are you sure? Raph you're shaking…"_ Donnie whispered his voice thick with concern. Again he received no answer from his brother; Don sighed deeply and rested his head against his brother's chest. "_I wish you would just talk to me. I really do love you, Raph." _

Raphael opened his eyes; _"I know…"_ he hesitated then ran his hand along Donnie's backside. _"It's just…"_ He squeezed his eyes shut and willed his body to stop trembling; slowly he realized that the ending of the nightmare that has plagued him for years had _altered_. He didn't fall. He wasn't alone. Raph sat up abruptly and scrambled off the bed. He shook his head in dismay and frantically searched the floor for his attire.

"_Raph?"_ gasped Don, panic etched onto his olive green face, _"Wha...what…where are you going?"_

Raphael reached for Don's face and smoothed his other palm over the lines of worry on his brother's forehead. _"I gotta go...I'll be right back," _he mumbled, staring into his brother's startled brown eyes.

Don opened his mouth to protest but Raphael quickly filled it with a passionate kiss. He tenderly broke away from Don's lips and he softly whispered, _"Trust me, I'll be right back." _

Donnie gloomily watched his heart's desire swiftly depart then reappear in the doorway and to blow him a reassuring kiss. Raph was gone, again. _"I just don't understand why he won't talk to me,"_ he sighed and cradled his head in his hands.

**_meanwhile _**

Raphael quickly darted down the stairs and bee-lined towards the lair's exit, he finally understood what he had to do and…

Leonardo sharply appeared blocking the exit and menacingly glared at Raph, "Going out for a midnight stroll; shouldn't you be with Donnie? You know, _doing right_ by him," he huffed sarcastically.

Raphael temporarily froze by the sight of his older brother then slowly stepped towards Leo; he paused a few feet away and sighed deeply, _"I know why you're being like this Leo" _his eyes fell to the floor and he whispered,_ "But can't you just be happy for us."_

Leo shook his head with frustration, "I want to be happy for you…but Raph…" he cut off and looked away as he tried to gather his thoughts.

Raphael continued to speak as though Leo hadn't said a word; _"I had that dream again Leo…" _his voice trailed off for a moment_. "It changed…and I know what I gotta do now before I can let myself lo…"_ his voice caught in his throat. Raph inhaled deeply, and then boldly looked directly into Leo's eyes.

Leonardo shifted nervously at the unexpected severity in Raphael's dark eyes and muttered, "Look I just don't want to see Donnie or you get...hurt. I don't want _you_ to get hurt… again." Leo suddenly seemed interested in a crack on the floor and idly fidgeted with his belt.

Raphael gently placed his fingers under Leo's chin and forced his brother to look at him, _"Leo I…I finally get it," _sharplysearched his brother's eyes, _"I…err… loved you n'…it sucked when you…uhm…stopped it…and I…I just let myself get so…so,"_ swallowed hard and clenched his hands into tight balls, _"so angry…I didn't care who I hurt, to get back at you."_

Leo's jaw stiffened and his eyes snapped shut, "I…I…never meant to hurt you." His breathing became swallow as chest constricted, strangling his lungs, and a tear escaped down his cheek.

Raph's steady hand rested on Leo's shoulder, _"I know you never meant to and I held onto it for way too long, I'm sorry." _

Leonardo carefully studied his brother for a moment then leaned in and passionately kissed him; Raph momentarily hesitated then abruptly pulled away, shaking his head.

Leo solemnly whispered, _"If I would've known,"_ he shrugged, _"not brothers…"_ his saddened eyes swept across Raph's face, _"I would have never let you go."_

Raph awkwardly shifted his stance and cleared his throat, _"It would've saved a lot of…uhm…heartache,"_ he murmured softly.

Leo exhaled and tilted his head away, _"You love him?"_

Their eyes locked, _"yeah…I think so…"_Raph shamelessly replied.

Leo nodded and attempted to swallow the lump in the back of his throat, _"you better go tell him then,"_ his voice cracked. Leo leaned in and kissed Raph's cheek then swiftly turned away to conceal the fresh tears streaming down his face.

Raphael impulsively reached for his elder brother to comfort him but halted and than decided it was best to leave it as it was; Leo was strong and by tomorrow he'll be himself again, free of the pain and guilt they had carried for years. _"Thank you,"_ he softly whispered to Leo before he climbed up the stairs back to his room.

Raph opened the bedroom door to find Donnie sitting on the edge of the bed, his head cradled in his hands. _"Don?"_

Donnie sniffed a little disheartened, _"That was fast," _slowly he shifted his gaze over to Raph and sharply inhaled, _"Are you alright?"_ He quickly leapt over to Raph and touched his brother's face. _"What's wrong? Please talk to me Raph,"_ he pleaded and searched Raph's wary eyes.

Raph embraced Don, he was shaking, and then pulled back just far enough to gaze directly into Don's imploring eyes, he swallowed hard and confessed his darkest secret; _"The nightmares' about…"_ he lowered his eyes and slightly turned his face away, _"I slept with Leo."_

Don's jaw gapped open and he stumbled backward away from his brother and gasped, _"WH…when!??!"_

"_Years ago,"_ Raph closed his eyes and choked out an explanation, _"it was my first but it didn't last long and it had happened so fast and…err I don't know…hurt me pretty damn bad for a long time."_

"_That explains a lot,"_ Don exclaimed softly as swept a hand across the back of his neck. _"Do you still love him,"_ he meekly asked and his eyes swept across the floor.

Raph eyes grazed along the floor, _"part of me always will…"_his voice trailed off...

Insecurity slapped hard Donnie across the face and he turned away from his brother, _"Wh…why are you telling me this, Raph…"_

Raphael cautiously approached his brother and rested his hands on Don's tense shoulders, _"I had to…I mean I…"_ he whispered in a low voice, _"I can't hide it anymore cause I…I_…_well ya needed answers…for me being so uhm distant n' stuff…and I don't wanta be afraid of…I mean I don't wanta…because I…," _he took a deep breathe and gently squeezed Donnie's shoulders, _"Don I'm in love you."_

Don's heart swelled with unrestricted joy and he tackled his lover down on the bed, giggling, _"Really?"_

Raphael chuckled as he nodded and gently started to work his mouth on Don's neck and shoulders then secured his brother tightly at his side.

It was very late at night by this point so Don nuzzled snuggly in the nook of Raph's strong arm and ran his hand along his brother's chest plates, _"You haven't…you know with Mike…have you?"_

Raph rolled his eyes mockingly and teased sarcastically, _"No but at this rate I guess he's next in line."_

Don slapped Raphael hard on his chest, _"you jerk!" _

Raphael grabbed Don's wrist and forced it up over his head then straddled him, _"I'm your jerk now and I ain't goin' anywhere,"_ he playfully smirked down at his 'struggling' brother.

Don giggled and wrapped his legs around 'his' hothead, _"Whoever said I was going to let you leave,"_ he mused raising an eye ridge. Raph leaned in closer to…

"_**Ahem…"**_

The pair of turtles froze, horrified by the familiar voice; and then sheepishly shifted their positions to peer at the darkened silhouette of their master, who stood sternly in the open doorway.

The old rat carefully studied the two turtles and sighed, _**"My sons, everything has its beauty but not everyone sees it…or wishes to hear it; we will speak more of this in the morning. Go to sleep my sons."**_ Master Splinter slowly nodded as he closed the door and ambled back towards his chambers.

The End

_**Author's Note:**__ ducks n' covers Please don't hate me…I bruise easily. chuckles A special thanks to my big brother the RatSmith for taking the time to proof read the chapters and make the awesome thumbnails. Also a shout out for GibbiousWolf who's insight into the Michelangelo skateboarding slang was invaluable. Thank you all so much for reading it and I do hope you enjoyed it._


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